Reflections on Mother's Day

I love Mother's Day.  After all, being a mother is usually a pretty thankless job.  Kids seldom notice the sacrifices that you make for them when they are young, so it is nice that for one day out of the year you get to be gushed over. What's not to like about that?!

For me, it is also the day to remind myself that the children that I had birthed do not really belong to me.  God had allowed me the privilege of caring for them, but in reality, they belonged to God.  It's what I call Stewardship Parenting.  As Christians, we tend to be aware (at least in theory) that our money, belongings, and time actually belong to God and that we are just the stewards of those things.  God allows us to use six days a week to do the things that we need (and want) to do, but reserves one day a week for Himself.  He allows us to spend 90% of our money on ourselves, but expects the tithe to go toward His work.

However, we often forget that the same holds true for our children.  We make the mistake of thinking that they are ours- and that gives us the wrong approach in child rearing. We focus on what we want for our kids (happiness, success, security) rather than what God wants.  The reality is that the Christian walk requires sacrifice and suffering.  As parents, we often do all we can to shield our children from those things; forgetting that those experiences are the things that build faith, character, and integrity. 

Our natural instinct as a mother is to protect our children.  However, we are (in essence) tying God's hands when we rush in to protect our kids from the consequences of poor choices. It is vital that children learn the principle of sowing and reaping by experiencing it first hand.  We are opposing God when we try to mitigate the consequences of sin in our childrens' lives.  If we saw a loving parent trying to discipline their child, we would never rush in and try to stop them; but when we shield our children from God's discipline, we are doing just that.

It isn't easy to practice Stewardship Parenting.  It means that we have to truly give our children up to God.  It wasn't easy for Abraham to offer Isaac up as a sacrifice and it isn't any easier for us today.  Giving our children back to God may mean that they end up on the other side of the world doing mission work or live in semi-poverty to minister to native Americans in South Dakota.  While we may feel compelled to transfer our own hopes and ambitions on to our children, Stewardship Parenting means that we enable our children to pursue the course that God has laid out for their lives- even if it means laying down their lives for the Gospel.

Looking back on all the wonderful Mother's Days that I've had, it's great to be honored as a mother; but it's even better to set aside my own selfish desires and expectations of motherhood so that I can be the kind of mother that God wants me to be.  After all, that is what a great mother really is.

Mind Games

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;

male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27

 

The way that we think will ultimately affect our decision making. Men are primarily linear thinkers.  You can visualize that style of thinking by picturing points on a straight line. Let's look at an example of how linear thinking works in making a decision:

At soccer practice on Friday, Jimmy asks his dad if he can spend the night with his friend, Tommy.  His dad reasons that since there is no school tomorrow and the family has no plans until Saturday night, it would be fine for Jimmy to spend the night with Tommy.

Women, on the other hand, are concentric thinkers.  Think of points along an infinite number of concentric circles. For those who hate math, think of it as a pebble dropped into a pond, producing ever extending circles that radiate outwardly from the center. 

At soccer practice on Friday, Jimmy asks his mom if he can spend the night with his friend, Tommy.  Mom's first circle of thinking deals with scheduling. Like Dad, she reasons that there is no school tomorrow and nothing on the family calendar until Saturday night, but unlike Dad, her thoughts continue to circle.  Jimmy has a science project due on Monday, which he has continued to put off. What with the stay at Tommy's house, the family event on Saturday night, and church on Sunday; that only leaves Sunday afternoon to finish the project.  Besides, with so many extra-curricular activities, the family has had precious little time together.  Then, there is the whole subject of Tommy and his family.  Tommy's parents hardly ever attend church and their ideas of suitable movies are not at all what Mom approves off.  She really thinks that Tommy is a bad influence on Jimmy and would prefer to discourage that friendship.  In the end, Mom decides that it wouldn't be a good idea for Jimmy to spend the night.

These very diverse ways of thinking can often cause a lot of difficulty in a marriage when it comes to communicating. When dealing with an issue, the husband sees the problem, determines a goal, and then outlines the steps needed to reach that goal.  The wife, however, must cycle the problem through each of her concentric circles.  She must verbalize how she feels about the problem, what she thinks the consequences of the problem might be (both now and in the future), how the problem might affect their children, how it has impacted her in the past, and even whether the problem is really the real problem. Because she thinks concentrically, she may jump from one circle to the other throughout the conversation. 

To the husband, it is like watching a circus performer spinning plates.  You seem to be running from plate to plate and, just when you get one really going, you run over to another plate and start all over again.  In his mind, it is confusing and chaotic and, like the whole spinning plate performance, he just doesn't see the point of it.

As wives, we wonder how a man can be so successful in his job and so totally clueless at home.  I've even had wives confide to me that, at times, they wonder if their husbands have suffered from a blow to their head that has left them brain damaged.

The reality is that it has nothing to do with intellect and everything to do with the differences in the way that men and women think. Fortunately, just as we are capable of learning a foreign language, it is possible for us to learn to understand the language of the opposite sex.  By learning more about the differences in our way of thinking, you have taken the first step in breaking the language barrier.

Next week, I'll be looking at more differences in the way that we think and how a better understanding of our husband's brain will help us to have a better relationship.