Reflections on Mother's Day

I love Mother's Day.  After all, being a mother is usually a pretty thankless job.  Kids seldom notice the sacrifices that you make for them when they are young, so it is nice that for one day out of the year you get to be gushed over. What's not to like about that?!

For me, it is also the day to remind myself that the children that I had birthed do not really belong to me.  God had allowed me the privilege of caring for them, but in reality, they belonged to God.  It's what I call Stewardship Parenting.  As Christians, we tend to be aware (at least in theory) that our money, belongings, and time actually belong to God and that we are just the stewards of those things.  God allows us to use six days a week to do the things that we need (and want) to do, but reserves one day a week for Himself.  He allows us to spend 90% of our money on ourselves, but expects the tithe to go toward His work.

However, we often forget that the same holds true for our children.  We make the mistake of thinking that they are ours- and that gives us the wrong approach in child rearing. We focus on what we want for our kids (happiness, success, security) rather than what God wants.  The reality is that the Christian walk requires sacrifice and suffering.  As parents, we often do all we can to shield our children from those things; forgetting that those experiences are the things that build faith, character, and integrity. 

Our natural instinct as a mother is to protect our children.  However, we are (in essence) tying God's hands when we rush in to protect our kids from the consequences of poor choices. It is vital that children learn the principle of sowing and reaping by experiencing it first hand.  We are opposing God when we try to mitigate the consequences of sin in our childrens' lives.  If we saw a loving parent trying to discipline their child, we would never rush in and try to stop them; but when we shield our children from God's discipline, we are doing just that.

It isn't easy to practice Stewardship Parenting.  It means that we have to truly give our children up to God.  It wasn't easy for Abraham to offer Isaac up as a sacrifice and it isn't any easier for us today.  Giving our children back to God may mean that they end up on the other side of the world doing mission work or live in semi-poverty to minister to native Americans in South Dakota.  While we may feel compelled to transfer our own hopes and ambitions on to our children, Stewardship Parenting means that we enable our children to pursue the course that God has laid out for their lives- even if it means laying down their lives for the Gospel.

Looking back on all the wonderful Mother's Days that I've had, it's great to be honored as a mother; but it's even better to set aside my own selfish desires and expectations of motherhood so that I can be the kind of mother that God wants me to be.  After all, that is what a great mother really is.

Embracing the Differences

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;

male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27

 

 

"Honey, where's the peanut butter?" My husband yells from the kitchen.

 

"It's on the second shelf of the pantry," I tell him, as though that isn't where I have kept it for the last ten years.

 

"We must be out," he responds. "I'm looking on the second shelf and its not here."

 

"It is there," I say. "I just opened a new jar yesterday."

 

"Well, it's not here now!"

 

Finally, I put down my work and head to the kitchen.  My husband is standing at the pantry door, scanning the shelves.  Walking up, I point to the jar of peanut butter, which is prominently displayed on the second shelf.

 

"Oh," he says, sheepishly. "I didn't see it."

 

I'm far from being alone in this experience.  Nearly every wife has gone through this scenario at some time or another.  It used to be a source of aggravation to me, until I began to learn about how the male mind works and how totally different it is from the way a woman's mind works. This difference in how we think directly impacts the way that we communicate.

 

A recent study showed that men typically use only the left side of their brain when communicating. (No, that does not mean that they are not in their right mind most of the time!)  Women, on the other hand, usually use both sides of their brain when interacting with others.  The left side of the brain is predominantly analytical while the right side is predominantly creative. 

 

Because of this, there is a distinctive difference in the way that the two sexes think.  The easiest way to understand these differences is to picture men as linear thinkers (as in points along a straight line) and women as concentric thinkers (as in points within concentric circles).  It also means that, in any situation, a man, using the left-side of his brain, will want "just the facts, ma'am." While a woman will take those facts (left brain) and look at all the possible outcomes (right brain).

 

Let's just use the illustration above to show how this applies to daily life. The husband decides to make a sandwich and goes to the pantry for the peanut butter. His analytical mind pictures the jar of peanut butter and his eyes begin scanning for that image.  Now, if the jar differs in any way from the image that he has in his mind (i.e. different size, different color, different packaging, or partially obscured by the mayonnaise), he literally cannot identify it as peanut butter. 

 

Women, on the other hand, begin with that same approach, but they are able to use the creative, right-side of their brain to extrapolate changes to that original image. So even if the peanut butter has a new label or is barely peeping out from behind the mayonnaise, we can quickly locate and identify it.

 

The ability to use both sides of the brain makes women especially gifted in taking care of children.  If a child picks up a jagged piece of metal, we immediately see a number of possible dangers related to that piece of metal. If a boy climbs a tree, we understand the potential for him to get stuck and we understand the potential for him to fall out of the tree. In fact, in any situation, we may assess a dozen or more possible consequences for one single action.

 

The male mind approaches things very differently. He sees a boy climbing a tree and thinks of the goal- reaching the top.  Instead of considering possible negative consequences, he looks at the steps of action needed to reach the goal; put your foot on that branch, take hold of that limb.  Failure isn't something that he dwells on.

 

As a mother, we may get very annoyed at a husband's inability to recognize possible dangers, but for a man to think like us could be potentially devastating.  In a crisis situation, a man does not need his brain flooded with images of all the horrific things that could happen to him or it might paralyze him in a situation that requires him to defend himself, his family, or his country.

 

An example of this occurred on September 11, 2001 at the Twin Towers.  Despite the overwhelming potential for personal injury and death, 340 male firefighters laid down their lives by rushing into the doomed buildings to try to rescue those inside. Now, that doesn't mean that women don't perform acts of heroism, as well; just as they did on September 11th.  In extraordinary circumstances, both sexes have the potential for great acts of courage in the face of danger.

 

The point is that God has created us uniquely as male and female.  By understanding and embracing those differences, we can build stronger and more satisfying relationships with the opposite sex. Today we looked at one aspect of the way that we think.  Next week, I'll be explaining how the differences in linear and concentric thinking makes communication between the sexes a challenge.