The Missionary's Motto

To the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have
 become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

I Corinthians 9:22

 

 

Part Four: Laying Aside My Self, For the Sake of Others

 

 

Many years ago, I had a friend who got a job as a secretary to a Jewish rabbi.  Raised in a Baptist church, she was a little nervous about the job, unsure what would be expected of her.  Her fears proved to be unfounded.  The rabbi was a good boss and she enjoyed her work.  Several months passed and as Christmas approached, she wondered about whether it would be appropriate to buy her boss a present.  When she overheard him telling another worker about how much he liked the Christmas present that one of his Christian friends had given him, she decided that it would be alright for her to do the same.

 

Her good intentions quickly turned to disaster.  When it came to choosing a gift for the rabbi, her lack of understanding of the Jewish faith became her downfall.  I can only imagine her chagrin when her boss kindly rejected the present that she had brought for him; a nice, big Honeybaked Ham. Fortunately for my friend, her boss was a very understanding man and was not offended by her gift, realizing that her intention was to honor him.

 

On the mission field, it is vital that we go beyond good intentions. We must make a concerted effort not to offend the sensibilities of those that we seek to evangelize. Instead, we must understand the culture that we are entering into and work within that culture to reach the lost. Like the apostle, Paul, we must strive to become "all things to all men." However, this process does not come naturally to most of us because it requires sacrifice on our part; not a sacrifice of time and money, but a sacrifice of who we perceive ourselves to be.

 

In order to become all things, we must first lay aside our selves.  That may mean letting go of the things that are so much of who we are: our personal rights, the way we like to dress, how we talk and act; so as not to offend those that we have come to serve.  It is vital on the mission field (as it should be when we are at home) that we remove from our lives any thing that might hinder us from evangelizing the lost.

 

It is not surprising that the word "selfish" comes from the word "self."  If we focus on our selves, we have nothing to give to others.  Selfishness is the antithesis of love because selfishness is to love one's self.  The ability to reach the lost for Christ requires a denial of self.  Jesus showed us this at the cross.

 

Whether you are preparing for your hundredth missionary trip or just considering the possibility of going, remember the missionary's motto: "I have become all things to all men."  Ask yourself if you have reached the point in your spiritual walk where you have laid down your self and allowed yourself to be used by Christ to reach the world.

A Mother on Father's Day

Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed on us...

I John 3:1

Father's Day is kinda fun for moms.  We're off the hook as a topic for the sermon, while our husbands get to be in the hot seat (as we were for Mother's Day) and we get to apply our elbow to our spouse's ribs at appropriate times to make sure that they are listening to the pastor on certain points that we've mentioned (okay, maybe nagged a little about) for most of the year. But for the most part, we just take a back seat and try to make sure that our hubbies have a special day.

However, as women, Father's Day is really more of a big deal than we may realize.  After all, this day also reminds us of our own fathers and the impact (for good or evil) that they had on our lives.  In fact, many psychologists believe that there is no greater influence on a young girl's emotional development than the father.  Studies show that the daughters of absent or indifferent fathers frequently turn out to be promiscuous, seeking attention outside the home that they never received from their dads.

Having grown up watching ideal fathers on shows like "Father Knows Best," "Leave It To Beaver," and "Little House on the Prairie," many of us realized pretty quickly that our own dads fell short of the mark. Real life can't compete with fiction, where dads never seem to have bad days or short tempers.  Fathers, being human, make mistakes- some bigger than others.  Most of us have, at one time or another, felt rejected, unloved, or hurt by our fathers. 

But Father's Day shouldn't be a time when we wallow in self pity because our childhood was less than perfect.  Instead, it should be a celebration! Because no matter what our earthly father was like, as Christians we have a perfect heavenly Father.  Not only does God love us just the way we are, but He created us just as we are and (like everything in His creation) He saw that it was good. So no matter how unloved and lonely we may sometimes feel, we can be assured that our Father loves us with an everlasting love and He will never, ever leave us.

Father's Day never fails to remind me that my heavenly Father loves me so much that He gave His only Son for me. So despite the fact that Mother's Day is supposed to be my own special day, I have to admit that Father's Day is pretty awesome, too.

Loving Your Neighbor

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

Luke 10:27

 

 

Jesus repeatedly emphasized the importance of these two principles: love God and love your neighbor. In the Gospel of Luke, a lawyer raises the question of who our neighbor is; to which Jesus responded with the well-known parable of the Good Samaritan.  Through that parable, Christ effectively tore down the racial barriers that threatened to keep the Christian faith limited to the Jews and empowered the spread of the Gospel to all people.

 

What I've noticed, however, is that while we eagerly accept the worldwide definition of "neighbor," we tend to overlook the literal aspect of loving our neighbor. Are we loving the very people that live next door to us?  Think of your neighborhood as your own personal mission field.  You are the missionary that God has sent to the families that live in your subdivision.

 

As former international missionaries, we quickly learned the "golden rule" of evangelism: "People won't accept what you say until they believe that you love them."  This concept holds true all over the world- and especially in your neighborhood.  Your witness need to begin by building genuine relationships with your neighbors.

 

In order to love our neighbor, we need to begin with being a good neighbor. Did you know that the number one cause of conflict between neighbors are pets?  Dogs that are prone to barking or that are allowed outside unsupervised are a major source of annoyance to neighbors and can destroy any chance of a Christian witness.

Deuteronomy 19:14 commands us not to encroach on our neighbor's land.  A good neighbor respects the property of his fellow neighbors.  You can avoid border wars by keeping your pets and children off of your neighbors' land and being careful not to place trees or structures too close to property lines.

Noisy neighbors are a problem to everyone living nearby; whether it is loud music, parties, or just running the leaf blower early on a Saturday morning.  If you are planning a party or barbecue, be polite and let the neighbors know ahead of time.  Keep kids and pets indoors (or at least quiet) until 10 AM on weekends and after 10 PM on weekdays.

Finally, go the extra mile in being a good neighbor.  Be friendly.  Take the time to speak to your neighbor if you see them out in the yard. If they seem open, begin building a relationship slowly, but follow the advice of Proverbs 15:17 and don't overdo it..  If conflicts have already arisen between you and a neighbor, try to resolve the problem and "mend fences."

Neighbors can be a wonderful resource in times of need. Proverbs 27:10 tells us that, in a calamity, a neighbor nearby is better than family that live farther away. Whether you need to borrow a cup of sugar to finish that recipe or someone to pick your daughter up at the bus stop while you run your sick baby to the doctor, a neighbor can be a life saver.  Neighbors who know you and are somewhat familiar with your schedule can be the best security system around.

After commanding us to love God with all our hearts, Jesus says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. He tells us that there is no greater commandments than these.  If loving our neighbor is that important to Jesus, it ought to be important to us, too.






Mind Games

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;

male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27

 

The way that we think will ultimately affect our decision making. Men are primarily linear thinkers.  You can visualize that style of thinking by picturing points on a straight line. Let's look at an example of how linear thinking works in making a decision:

At soccer practice on Friday, Jimmy asks his dad if he can spend the night with his friend, Tommy.  His dad reasons that since there is no school tomorrow and the family has no plans until Saturday night, it would be fine for Jimmy to spend the night with Tommy.

Women, on the other hand, are concentric thinkers.  Think of points along an infinite number of concentric circles. For those who hate math, think of it as a pebble dropped into a pond, producing ever extending circles that radiate outwardly from the center. 

At soccer practice on Friday, Jimmy asks his mom if he can spend the night with his friend, Tommy.  Mom's first circle of thinking deals with scheduling. Like Dad, she reasons that there is no school tomorrow and nothing on the family calendar until Saturday night, but unlike Dad, her thoughts continue to circle.  Jimmy has a science project due on Monday, which he has continued to put off. What with the stay at Tommy's house, the family event on Saturday night, and church on Sunday; that only leaves Sunday afternoon to finish the project.  Besides, with so many extra-curricular activities, the family has had precious little time together.  Then, there is the whole subject of Tommy and his family.  Tommy's parents hardly ever attend church and their ideas of suitable movies are not at all what Mom approves off.  She really thinks that Tommy is a bad influence on Jimmy and would prefer to discourage that friendship.  In the end, Mom decides that it wouldn't be a good idea for Jimmy to spend the night.

These very diverse ways of thinking can often cause a lot of difficulty in a marriage when it comes to communicating. When dealing with an issue, the husband sees the problem, determines a goal, and then outlines the steps needed to reach that goal.  The wife, however, must cycle the problem through each of her concentric circles.  She must verbalize how she feels about the problem, what she thinks the consequences of the problem might be (both now and in the future), how the problem might affect their children, how it has impacted her in the past, and even whether the problem is really the real problem. Because she thinks concentrically, she may jump from one circle to the other throughout the conversation. 

To the husband, it is like watching a circus performer spinning plates.  You seem to be running from plate to plate and, just when you get one really going, you run over to another plate and start all over again.  In his mind, it is confusing and chaotic and, like the whole spinning plate performance, he just doesn't see the point of it.

As wives, we wonder how a man can be so successful in his job and so totally clueless at home.  I've even had wives confide to me that, at times, they wonder if their husbands have suffered from a blow to their head that has left them brain damaged.

The reality is that it has nothing to do with intellect and everything to do with the differences in the way that men and women think. Fortunately, just as we are capable of learning a foreign language, it is possible for us to learn to understand the language of the opposite sex.  By learning more about the differences in our way of thinking, you have taken the first step in breaking the language barrier.

Next week, I'll be looking at more differences in the way that we think and how a better understanding of our husband's brain will help us to have a better relationship.